Attachment styles
One of my favorite topics to discuss is attachment! Not just in sessions, but even in my personal life, I frequently talk to people about the importance of understanding how our attachment style impacts our relationships (my friends are tired of hearing me talk about the book “Attached”, haha).
Before I list the attachment styles, I’d like to give a brief summary of a research study that coined these terms. Mary Ainsworth, one of the researchers that is credited with pioneering this research, published her findings in 1970 from a study she called the “Strange Situation” (https://www.attachmentproject.com/attachment-theory/mary-ainsworth), which involved mothers and their children coming into the laboratory and studying the child’s reactions to their mother leaving and then returning to the room. A majority of the children were upset when their mothers left the room and then were easily comforted upon her return. A second group of children were upset when their mothers left and then struggled to calm down and resume playing once their mom came back. In the third group, the kids did not appear to have any reaction to their mothers leaving or their return. You’ll see how each of these groups align with the first three attachment styles listed below.
As this research study demonstrated, our attachment style initially develops with our primary caregiver, typically a parent, when we’re a child. As an adult, these bonds expand to other important relationships, specifically our romantic partners. It’s important to note that our attachment style is fluid, meaning that it can change throughout our lifetime as well as relationship to relationship. Some factors that influence our attachment style include our life experiences, our partner’s attachment style, and insight and awareness gained through therapy.
Secure
Securely attached people feel comfortable with intimacy and are generally warm and loving in relationships.
Approximately 50% of people have a secure attachment style
Anxious
Anxiously attached people crave intimacy, are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back.
Approximately 20% of people have an anxious attachment style
Avoidant
Avoidantly attached people equate intimacy with loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.
Approximately 25% of people have an avoidant attachment style
Disorganized
Disorganized attachment style is a combination of both anxious and avoidant styles.
Approximately 3-5% of people have a disorganized attachment style
If you have specific questions about attachment styles and how they play a role in your relationships, please contact me!
Information in this post was taken from the book “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How it Can Help You Find and Keep Love” by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, which I highly recommend if you’re interested in learning more about the topic.